I'm trying to stay positive, but moving is exhausting and I'm so emotional. I want to leave right now. Not 3-weeks from now, but right now. I'm itchy to get the hell out of Utah and be on to the next part of our lives. I'm eager to have my husband back, rather than living with this depressed shell of who he is. I'm impatient to escape and even though we have a ton to do, this last month here seems to be dragging on and on.
The 8 years we've spent in Utah has been filled with downs. We've spent the most unhappy years of our marriage here. Not being LDS, we've both struggled with a culture that shuns non-LDS people. Not being outdoorsy, we've struggled to get along in a place where people think you're strange if you don't enjoy hiking and rock climbing. Not being particularly social, we've struggled to make friends in a place where being outgoing is king. Not having kids means we've struggled in this place where having huge families are the norm and not having kids makes you the subject of a whole lot of unnecessary pity. To sum things up, we've struggled here.
I've spent the days packing up and, honestly, it feels surreal to be putting things in boxes. It's happening and I can't seem to shift into the mindset that it's happening. My brain can't seem to wrap around the knowledge that we are finally getting out. Maybe this is why I'm so impatient to leave. Maybe I'll feel it's real when we're on the road to Pennsylvania and putting Utah in our rearview mirror. In the mean time, packing up our house is consuming all my time and I'm counting the minutes until it's time to go.
